The Trouble With Pain
by RabbitHole26
Summary: It started the day that Imogen found out about her father's dementia.
1. Against The Walls

It began the day that Imogen found out about her father's dementia. The first incident was a passing comment about how Fiona was practically raised by a nanny, implying that she couldn't possibly understand what it felt like to be close to a parent. From that point on, Imogen managed to push Fiona away, and one day, she pushed so hard that Fiona didn't come back.

It started out with little comments, much like the first one, that were petty jabs about Fiona's life, as well as her personality. Imogen was angry, so incredibly angry, about what was happening to her father and she was taking it out on the person closest to her. The more Fiona tried to support her, the worse she would treat Fiona, convincing herself that the older girl couldn't and wouldn't understand what she was feeling. Next came drinking; first it was sneaking bottles from her father's liquor cabinet (since he wouldn't remember what was there anyways), and then it progressed to attending parties, no matter who was throwing it, just to get wasted. Imogen had bitterly decided that if drinking was something Fiona had found useful when coping with terrible situations, then it would be for her too. Fiona had tried her hardest to not scold Imogen for her alcohol use; after all, she could see that Imogen's habits weren't one of an alcoholic, just of an upset girl who didn't know how to cope. Even if attending parties and being around Imogen when she drank was jeopardizing Fiona's sobriety, she still tried her hardest to fight her urges so that she could be there for her girlfriend. Imogen knew deep down how selfish it was to force Fiona to be around alcohol, but at the time, she was spiraling into a depression, and quite frankly, just didn't care.

Eventually, Fiona told Imogen that she couldn't be around her anymore if alcohol was involved. Imogen neglected to acknowledge the sadness that was swimming in Fiona's eyes and instead told her that she would just go out without her and see her whenever she wasn't with the theater kids (the theater kids that partied, to be exact). One Saturday night, exactly three months before graduation, Fiona was begging Imogen to stay in with her and watch movies, but Imogen had bluntly told her that she was going to a party. "I love you, Immy. You know that right?" Fiona had said with glossy eyes, "but I don't know what to do anymore… Please stay in with me tonight. I miss you. I'm worried about you." Imogen had rolled her eyes, sarcastically muttered, "Thanks for the mini-speech, mom," and walked out of the loft without looking back.

By the time Eli stopped by the party to say a brief hello to everyone, Imogen was a mess. She was stumbling all over the place and was being held up by an extra sleazy guy that Eli recognized from class. He stepped outside and called Fiona, telling her she needed to come and get Imogen before she got into trouble. Once Fiona was on her way, Eli went back inside only to realize Imogen was nowhere to be found. When Fiona arrived, she calmly asked if Eli had checked upstairs. When he didn't respond, Fiona marched up the stairs and began throwing each bedroom door open until she finally found one that was occupied. Imogen was on the bed, heavily making out with the tech guy, and let out a laugh when she saw Fiona walk in. "Uh oh….I'm in trouble," Imogen slurred as Fiona picked her up, half-carrying her down the stairs and outside of the house where a cab was waiting, courtesy of Eli. Imogen wasn't fully sure why she had started making out with the boy, but she was desperately searching for a feeling that didn't hurt. When they reached Imogen's house, Fiona told the driver to wait while she walked Imogen to her front door. She helped the younger girl unlock the door and Imogen headed inside. When she felt Fiona let go of her, she turned around, confused, and asked, "Aren't you coming in?" It was then that she saw her girlfriend was shaking and silently crying. Fiona shook her head and managed to choke out, "I can't….not anymore…" before retreating back to the waiting car.

xxx

Eli had tried to talk some sense into Imogen after the breakup, but she dismissed him, drowning the growing pit in her stomach with more alcohol and more anger. She continued to hang out with a bad crowd and separated herself from anyone she used to talk to at school, rarely showing up for a full day of classes. Before she knew it, it was the weekend of prom, which signaled only a couple of weeks left until graduation. She hadn't spoken to Fiona or Eli in months, so she decided to show up to the dance with a group of people who planned on staying for just a couple of minutes before bailing to go out. When she finally got to the dance, she slipped in the back and managed to hide from most of the other kids there. She spotted Eli and Fiona, who had similar colored outfits and were sitting together at a table. She found out later that Eli and Clare had split and he had asked Fiona to be his friend-date. Imogen met up with her "friends", and no more than twenty minutes later they had decided to leave, but before she walked out she had surveyed the room one last time. She spotted Fiona, who was standing towards the back, shyly flirting with a gorgeous girl that she recognized to be from the LGBT club. That was the last thing she could remember before she woke up in the hospital, with her mother standing over her.

Imogen had gotten alcohol poisoning on the night of prom, and as a result her mother had insisted that she see a therapist regularly and monitored her school attendance. Although she had only been in therapy for three weeks, she was no longer drinking and had been spending time alone, getting herself together, trying to be her old self. Although her grades had tanked, she had still passed all of her classes, which meant she was graduating. The downside was that she would have to go a small University nearby for at least a year to get her grades up before she could transfer anywhere else, but she was committed to getting back on track. She showed up to graduation alone, and managed to talk to Eli before the ceremony began. He was understanding and accepted her apology, but he also noticed that her gaze kept flicking over to Fiona, who was off in the distance talking with Marisol and Mo. "Did you figure out what you'll say to her yet?" Eli questioned knowingly, but all Imogen could respond with was, "No apology can make up for what I put her through."

After the ceremony was over, Imogen saw that Fiona had broken away from her friends and family and was packing up extra programs into a cardboard box near the stage. She nervously approached her, and blurted out "Congrats!" to the older girl before she could chicken out. Fiona turned around slowly and avoided her gaze, "Uh, Congrats to you too, Imogen," she said before turning back to the programs. Imogen's heart broke; she knew this is what she should expect, to be dismissed, but it still hurt. "Where are you going to University?" Imogen tried again, knowing she needed to at least attempt an apology, but the right words weren't coming out. Fiona sighed, taking a deep breath before turning to face Imogen once more, "I'm going to UT. They offered me a scholarship I couldn't turn down. Look I've gotta go. Good luck with everything." With that Fiona picked up the box, turned around and headed towards the school's front doors.


	2. Against Your Rules

Imogen debated whether or not she should go after Fiona for almost a minute before she headed towards the school. As she opened the front doors of Degrassi, she saw Fiona off to the side, placing the box of extra programs next to a pile of other graduation related items. As Fiona turned around, Imogen spoke up, "Look, I know I don't deserve it, but will you please just hear me out?" her eyes pleading with Fiona's. The older girl simply nodded, so Imogen launched into what could only be described as an impromptu speech, "I messed up. I know that. I treated you like crap because I was too stubborn to deal with my dad's illness like an adult. There's no excuse for what I put you through, but I need you to know that I loved you. I still love you. You are the only person who I have ever been able to count on, and most importantly, you were my best friend. I refuse to lose that without putting up a fight. I'm going to school nearby next year, so please, Fiones, give me another chance?" By the time Imogen finished, Fiona was biting her lip, visibly trying to hold back tears and Imogen realized that her own eyes had grown damp.

Fiona took a slow, deep breath before she replied, "That means a lot, Imogen, but I can't just forget how everything went down. I can _try_ to do the whole 'friends' thing with you again, but that's all I can promise." Imogen nodded, "That's great. I just want you in my life," she responded. A small smile appeared on Fiona's face as she spoke, "Well, maybe I'll see you this weekend then. I'll call you," and with that, she headed back outside, leaving Imogen alone with her thoughts racing.

xxx

Imogen soon learned that being Fiona Coyne's friend _after_ you had been Fiona Coyne's girlfriend was a bit of a letdown, but she was grateful that she was in the socialite's life regardless, so she couldn't really complain. Most of the pent up awkwardness and tension had disappeared over the summer, while the girls had mended their relationship and figured out how to be just friends once again. In Imogen's mind though, her and Fiona had never been "just friends", not really anyway. Ever since Fiona had invited her to that fateful party so long ago, she had felt some sort of attraction towards her, and she knew that Fiona had felt the same, whether she would ever admit it or not. It was still there though; it was electric between them but Fiona would ignore it and Imogen couldn't blame her, so she tried to as well. The fact that neither of them were drinking was truly what brought their friendship back together, since most of the other students at both of their schools would spend the weekends getting bombed. This made it easier for them to spend time together, considering there weren't many other people who were content with watching movies on a Friday night.

Although they did remain just friends, Imogen found it hard to move on from Fiona, which she hadn't really thought about in the long run. She had been so happy to be in the older girl's life again that she hadn't considered the effect it would have on her over time. She hadn't dated anyone, or even thought about dating anyone, and she knew the fact that Fiona was still so close to her was the majority of the reason why. Fiona hadn't exactly dated anyone else either, but she seemed to be more comfortable moving on than Imogen was, occasionally bringing up the idea of her dating someone or having a crush on a classmate. Imogen wasn't sure if she should try to date other people, hope that her feelings for Fiona settled on a platonic level, and move on, or if she should tell Fiona she still wasn't over her and face losing her for good. Time had flown by, and as fate would have it, Valentine's Day was approaching. Imogen couldn't help but think about surprising Fiona with something, but she wasn't sure if she should take the risk or not.

The two ended up decided to hang out on Valentines Day, as friends, considering neither of them had any dates lined up. Fiona had an evening class that went until 7, but they planned on meeting at Fiona's condo, where they would spend most of their weekends anyway (Fiona wasn't exactly loving her dorm room, surprise surprise). The day before, Imogen had decided that she would take a chance. She planned on getting to the condo early on V-Day to set up a romantic dinner. This would be her final grand gesture, a take-it-or-leave-it type of thing, in hopes that Fiona hadn't really gotten over her either.

Imogen snuck into the condo around 5 and began to decorate the open area with all kinds of cute decorations, which included hearts and lots of red, pink and white. The table was set for two and included a nice bottle of sparkling cider in place of champagne, as well as several candles. Imogen was in the kitchen cooking, hoping that she wasn't screwing up her old family recipes. She was rehearsing the speech she had planned out loud, trying to perfect the flow of it while not forgetting any of the important details. She was wearing a simple black dress and had her hair down, because although Fiona would never admit to it, she knew the other girl had always liked when Imogen's hair was down instead of up in some crazy bun. On Fiona's bed there was a small package, expertly wrapped, which contained a handmade gift that Imogen had spent hours on and next to it was a dozen red roses. Even though Imogen knew it was fairly cliché, she knew that Fiona loved flowers, and after all, it was Valentine's Day. As the clock began to creep closer to 7, Imogen had dinner on the table and was nervously pacing, hoping that the night would end how she wanted.

As the clock struck 7, Imogen's phone beeped. She opened it to find a text from Fiona: "Have to cancel tonight. Girl from class asked me out to dinner! Wish me luck. Call you after? Sorry!"

Slowly, Imogen walked over to the dinner table and blew out the candles. She gathered her bag and walked out of the loft, not bothering to clean up a single thing.


	3. Against Your Skin

**Last chapter! I've gotten severe writers block, so I decided to just finish this up. Thanks to everyone who has been reading!**

As Fiona found herself walking home alone on Valentine's Day, she wondered why she had been so stupid and accepted some random girl's dinner invitation when she could have been watching movies at home. The date had been awkward at best; they had absolutely nothing in common and right off the bat the other girl had ordered a glass of wine. It probably didn't help that during the entire meal Fiona kept thinking about how much she rather be with her best friend Imogen. _Imogen_. Fiona sighed to herself, she thought about that girl a lot more than she ever wanted to admit, and part of the reason she even went out on the lousy date was to prove to herself that Imogen was just a friend after all this time. The problem was, she _wasn't _sure, not even a little bit. She had loved the crazy girl with all that she had, and she ended up getting hurt, like always. Imogen had been going through a lot, she knew that, but it didn't change the fact that she had pushed Fiona away and pushed her to her limit. As much as her heart wanted to just forget the drama from the previous year and try again, her head told her otherwise. What would happen the next time there was something bad going on in one of the girl's lives? Would Imogen just shut down again? How could Fiona be in a successful relationship with someone who couldn't handle the serious stuff with her? Plus, she didn't even know if Imogen was staying in Toronto next year, she had always expressed interest in going to some art school in the states if she got her grades up. At the same time, Fiona knew that she couldn't keep doing the whole "friends" thing forever, sooner or later she would have to address her lingering feelings and maybe even cut off all contact so they could both move on with their lives.

Fiona had finally reached her loft and couldn't help but wonder if Imogen would still be inside. She had called the younger girl several times but strangely, every single call went straight to voicemail. Unlocking her door and stepping inside, she called out "Imogen? You still here?", but all she got in return was silence. As she walked into the kitchen, she froze. Fiona saw the table set for two, the candles that had been extinguished, and the bottle of sparkling cider. She saw the dinner still sitting on the stove, which was now cold, and the decorations filling the loft. She pulled her phone out and frantically called Imogen again, with her only response being a monotone voicemail. Not knowing what to do, Fiona walked into her room and threw her purse on the bed, which is when she saw a small, wrapped box laying neatly in the middle of her comforter. She picked it up and held it in her hands, trying to decide whether or not she should open it. Curiosity got the best of her; she tore the paper off and opened the box. When Fiona picked up the contents of the box, a tear immediately dropped from her eye. She had no idea how she had done it, but Imogen had made her a snow globe, perfectly designed to fit among the rest of Fiona's collection. The difference was instead of some generic scene inside of it, there was a mini carnival, complete with a Ferris wheel that had two figures on it kissing, wearing red and greenish-blue hats.

All of the doubts that Fiona had been having about resuming a relationship with Imogen were immediately wiped away, as she cursed the other girl for having her phone off. She was unsure of what to do, considering she had absolutely no idea where Imogen would be. Fiona walked into the kitchen and made a cup of tea, as she began to clean up the remains of Imogen's grand gesture. As a result, she faced a long, sleepless night; at least she did until she heard her fire escape rumbling. After hearing another thud, Imogen appeared at the door to Fiona's bedroom, pausing when she saw the socialite was already home. "Oh. You're home," Imogen said with a bland tone. "You came back," Fiona replied with a smile, "I've called you like a hundred times." Imogen's gaze was flicking across the room, landing anywhere but Fiona's eyes as she spoke, "I came back to clean everything up before you came home. Guess I was too late." For a moment, Fiona contemplated launching into a speech about everything she felt, but she finally decided she was done talking to Imogen. Instead, she slowly walked toward the other girl, and once she reached her she pulled Imogen into a long, slow kiss. Imogen's hands immediately flew around Fiona's neck as she deepened the kiss, the kiss that both of them had been waiting to have again for so long.

"What was that for?" Imogen had half-jokingly asked once the two had broken apart. "The snow globe," Fiona replied, "Definitely the snow globe."


End file.
